


Rules for Letting Go

by sa704m



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sa704m/pseuds/sa704m
Summary: It's been years since the ghostbusters have broken up, Erin's in Maine, Holtz is still living off of pop-tarts. It's been too long since Holtz has even heard from Erin until Abby breaks the news.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go. I'm on winter break and I've actually officially mapped the majority of this story out. I'm not sure how many chapters yet (only because I've left room for some extra chapters and such.) I promise I will try not to break your hearts too much. (Also try not to go too hard on me I haven't written any kind of fic in a long while.) Anyways join me on tumblr if you'd like I'm burymeunderthewillowtree

           The smell of coffee filled the loft a strawberry pop-tart popped up from the toaster, the only light was coming through the window from a streetlamp below. It was only 5 AM, Jillian Holtzmann navigated with just her phone’s flashlight stumbling barefoot back to the kitchen she poured the coffee and snatched the pastry from the toaster before groaning as she sat down at the table. She ate over an old blueprint, not bothering to turn on a light she aimed her phone towards the pile of mail from the past week. Though over time she had learned to keep her home clean, she still left mail and bills until the last minute and there would always be a pile of of clothes beside her bed and nothing would change that. The truth was she had less, when she moved to the loft, she got rid of a lot and tried to keep all of her larger work where it belonged in the lab. That being said, her desk would always be littered with little experiments and papers full of equations.

        She looked out one of the window’s the glow of the street light down below notified her that there was a steady snowfall. The first snowfall. She scoffed and returned to bed, turning off the sounds and all the life around her.

        

* * *

 

 

        Abby didn’t expect a call from her colleague, she assumed she wouldn’t be coming in today. Ultimately she knew that today wouldn’t be an easy day for Holtzmann and made a mental note to pass by. She taught their seminar class alone then returned to the lab where they would normally work on outside projects they’d then lie to their boss by saying it was definitely in their curriculum. Not much had changed for Abby through the past years, in fact she had kind of just gone in full circle, working with Holtz all over again just in another school.

 

* * *

 

        A cab dropped Abby off at the corner of Holtzmann’s block, the walk wasn’t far but the wait was. Luckily the snowfall had come to a stop, that didn’t change the temperature and the fact that the brunette had buzzed up three times already. Finally the familiar voice came over the intercom.

        “Abby.”

        “Yeah it’s me.”

        “You don’t have—”

        “Listen I’m out here freezing my ass off; you will let me in!” And she did, with a reluctant groan she unlocked her door and waited for Abby. “Well, at least you tried to get dressed.” Her eyes searched her friend’s outfit; joggers with one leg pulled up to high and a dirty shirt that she normally wore to bed. Holtz didn’t have a reaction, instead she just warmed up her mug of coffee and sat back down. “So.”

        “Don’t beat around the bush I can already tell; you need to talk. Just lay it on me I’m a big girl.”

        “You’re not acting like it.” She watched as the blonde was taken aback. “Sorry that was uncalled for.”

        “No. It’s fine.” Holtz shook her head, knowing that she hasn’t been the same for a long time.

        “Okay well. It’s about Erin.”  

        Erin. It had been three whole years since she had spoken to Erin, five since their falling out. If she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to take what Abby was going to tell her.”

        “I know with the snow and all, I really shouldn’t I wanted to wait, but it should come from me first.”

        “You’re stalling.”

        There was a long pause and a deep breath and another long pause and the air, the air left the room. Words left the brunette’s mouth slowly then all at once. There was spiraling out and everything got dark.

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann woke in her bed again.

        “I’m not giving you more coffee, how about some milk?”

        “Ab.” Her voice was raspy and she shaded her eyes from the lights with her hand. “I don’t want any milk I want to see the letter. I know you must have brought it with you.”

        “Sit up. Drink this.” She rummaged through her bag. “Don’t shut down on me again, don’t shut me out after this either.” She held out the letter snug in it’s blue envelope, her hand shook slightly as if the weight of the letter was too much. Holtz took the letter eagerly placing her cup on the bedside table.

       

        _Abby,_

_The first snowfall was today and I thought about you, as you know that’s always a hard day for us, for me. This year I tried to occupy my mind with plenty of tasks, but Maine snow is so different from New York. It was persistent and so was my memory. So I thought I’d write you since it’s been a while. Late October I was surprised when I came home from work and Olivia was already there. It’s funny, I’ve dated plenty of men, and Olivia’s only the second women I’ve been with, but she just knows what I’m thinking. No one else has ever been able to know me so well, to know what I’m thinking just by being around me._

        Holtz’s eyes shifted upwards to Abby, of course someone else had, it was her. Erin told her that plenty of times.

_She made me dinner, and we went for a walk and talked a lot.  And finally we stopped, we ended up where we had our first date (at that park I told you about.)Abby, I’ve really never been happier, you have to know that. Well, she proposed I really wanted to tell you this in person, but you know how it is. We’re just both really busy._

        Abby could see a single tear that traveled down her friend’s pale cheek.

_We don’t have any dates yet, I’m sure we’ll map it all out soon. I really just want to say, I’m really happy that we made up after everything I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you to talk to about this. Call me when you get this if you have some time!_

_Best wishes,_

_Erin._

 

The blonde reread the letter, soaked in all of the perfectly crafted penmanship, so much had changed she sensed it in the grammar. She looked up from the letter her eyes teasing the idea of letting all of her emotions pour out of them at any moment, instead her anger in herself won over. She read the date.

 

“How long.?” Holtz looked directly into Abby’s eyes, locking in and holding her there, her lips formed into a thin line.

 

“How long what, what do you mean?”

 

“How long have you known? How long have had this letter? How long have you known about them being together?”

 

“For a while. They've been together for about a year. And I've known since day one. I’ve had the letter since Thanksgiving, I--I just didn’t want to tell you then.”  She was quiet she couldn’t lie, she wouldn’t dare and she watched the blonde move from the bed grabbing a pair of pants from the pile of dirty clothes.

 

“Did she mention me when she told you they started dating?” She needed to know, she needed to know if anyone else knew what had happened between them back then. She pulled off her shirt fastened on a bra just as fast as she had taken Erin’s off so many times in the past and pulled on a clean shirt.

She paused thinking back to the letters. “No, she just asked if everything was okay up here. I told her you went away for a couple weeks.”

 

“Did you call her?” She was making sure she had her phone and her wallet. “Abby, did you call her?” Her voice was calm, calm before the storm, calm.

 

“Yeah.”

 

She pulled on a sweatshirt and zipped it up pulling her hair out from under it in another swift motion. “She sounded happy?”

 

“Well, yes.”

 

“Stay here, stay the night, I don't care.” She threw on her leather jacket and left.

 

She walked and walked and the cold numbed her skin, maching her heart. Her head raced in thought, and she wanted to rid her body of her self loathing. _I've never been happier._ She walked faster. She couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand another woman making Erin her wife. She slipped crossing the street, knowing she had chosen the wrong shoes and cussed under her breath. She used to love the snow, she used to love seeing Erin in the snow. That all changed five whole years ago. Five years ago she messed it all up.

 

She hailed a cab, ten minutes later she entered a bar. Within minutes she was offered a drink. _No one else has ever been able to know me so well, to know what I’m thinking just by being around me._ She drank fast, ordered a shot. Drank. And finally looked around.

 

“Hey, let me buy you a drink.” She turned around and was met with an older woman.

 

She didn’t care who bought her a drink or who took her home, she didn’t care about what would happen tonight she just wanted to erase everything from her mind. So she took another shot and strategically placed her hand on the womans arm. “Okay.

 

“How about we just skip that drink?”

 

“That's fine.” She was already feeling the alcohol anyway and she wanted to not feel the anger and hurt she wanted to not care. The woman took her hand and pulled her along down the dimly lit hallway and into the single stall bathroom, locking it behind her. The nameless women leaned in and Holtz pressed forward urgently as if demanding power from the woman. It was sloppy and Holtz felt the alcohol catching up. The other woman pulled away receiving a whine from the blonde. Lips met her neck and the zipper from her sweatshirt was being tugged down. “So you’re an MIT girl.”

 

Their body’s split suddenly. “MIT?”

 

“Your sweatshirt…”

 

She hadn’t realized, it had escaped her mind that she even still had Erin’s sweatshirt. “I - I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now I’m sorry.” She took off again walking in the snow as her body filled with anxiety until she couldn’t carry on. Her hands searched her pockets eventually finding her phone. She dropped down to the snow and finally let sobs leave her chest. There were so many texts, but she didn’t bother she made a call and let it ring.

  
“I-I need a person right now.”


End file.
